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How to drink like a CHAMP in 5 steps!!

Every time you go out downtown on the weekend you see people drinking around 11:00PM. By 1:00AM they’re already face-in toilet, puking all over their new Express shirt; ruining their night and everyone else’s that came with him

Beer Pong Champ

Only the greatest where this

. If this is you or you know someone who is like this and you want to help them out, here are some quick, and extremely effective tips on turning a “chump” into a “CHAMP!”

1) Know what your drinking: Each spirit is unique, and they take a unique effect on your body.

tequila and sambuca=funny & active mood

beer=relaxed

wine=drowsiness.

Think of what you want to get out of your evening – and be clever choosing your drinks.

2) Work up the proof of your drinks: Start with a beer, then whiskey, and then top it off with absinthe. Do NOT go the other way around. Anybody who tells you that they are going to “slow down” by ending the night with a beer after shots of whiskey all night is going to wake up with massive nausea.

3) Have mixed drinks: Carbonated drinks and fresh squeezed fruit juices give alcohol much stronger impact. Whisky mixed with coca-cola will make you more drunk than a straight whisky.

4) Eat: Fatty and greasy food before, during, and after a night of drinking will weaken the impact of the alcohol. It will absorb more of the alcohol preventing it from entering your blood stream. This will allow you to take more drinks and last longer in the bar without falling out.

5) Take in the Green Fairy: IF YOU HAVE IT DRINK IT. If you live in the US, you more than likely don’t have it, but it may be legal in the states soon. Be patient my friends. But, anyone who has had absinthe and continues to order it is OK by me. Thats what I call a “true champ!” I love la fée verte!!

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You know it’s time for a drink when…

Time for a Drink

Its bout that time cuh!! DRINK UP!!!

You had a shity day at work (I mean reeeaaalll shity. Like a gorilla shit on your face shity)

You have the bubblies becuase a certain Mexican restaurant puts dog meat in your Quesadilla (but it still tastes AMAZING)

You have a headache that came straight from Satan himself

Your dog pisses on you during your lunch break (by the way I still love you Doopie)

You GM at work is talking soooo much smack that your just want to roundhouse kick him sooooo hard that your heel actually stays forever stuck in his head

Then to top it off you go to the gym (with a dead iPod by the way) and when your done you finally make it to la casa and you realize, “Hey, where’s my gymbag???….FML!!!”

You know what time it is???

Time for a MUTHAFLIPPIN DRANK!!!

How to NOT get sleep: a quicky for an insomniac

Need Sleep

Who needs to sleep in their bed. Do it at work!

1)Go out with friends (preferably on a Sunday when you have work at 8AM)

2)Wake up for work, then say “YES” to your beergutted, mid-40s balding coworker whe. He asks you to go out tonight.

3)Skip the power nap after work and chat with friends on Facebook and Twitter (or play WoW if you the balding guy)

4)Repeat until you get so tired not even Freddy could scare you awake.

If you implement these steps I GUARANTEE you that your face will have bags SO BIG that you’ll make Rocky after a fight look amazing!!

Have fun aging!!